What’s your biggest fear?


I was probably in jss3  when a woman died on my street. I refused to pass in front of her house for a few days because I believed her ghost was still there. What made my decision firm was that she was buried in her compound facing the street. When I had to pass at all cost, I would close my eyes and walk as fast as my short legs could carry. Most times I would run. My dad said she had gone to heaven or hell but I felt he was just saying his own. I knew she was still there and would probably touch me or I would see her ghost. Why did her chidren bury her facing the street? I wondered how other people were dealing with it? Was i the only one who realised a ghost had been let loose on us? Eventually, I would make myself walk slow because i felt she was probably sad watching me run past then I would try to say nice things whenever i passed her grave until we moved out of the street. It was just too much for me to handle.
Another time, a neighbour died at the stairs of my house. They probably shouldn’t have told me the place of her death. I was older and in the university already. I was wiser or should have been wiser. Still it came again. I would imagine many ghost encounters whenever I passed through the stairs. I only felt safe once I was out of it. Sometimes the presence would feel so real I would catch myself panting afterwards.
Very recently, I discovered my biggest fear is losing a loved one. Everyone would go but I do not want anyone gone. I’ve thought of how I would grief. How much would it hurt? Would I be hopeless or strong? Would i survive the pain and realisation that I won’t see them again? I do not want to go through the pain.
It would be nice to hold on to that childish thought that when people die, they are still there. Of course, its my thoughts of them that feel very real.
I read a blog post once where a woman told her child that when people die, their bodies are tired and its what makes them themselves that burst out into the universe. Their love, kindness, intelligence, humour and all that is left of them released for us to feel.
That’s fair enough.  Sad but fair. We still have a part of them with us. A part that only you can let go.

I finally let go of my ghost scare but I have decided to make sure I do have something to hold on to when my superheroes step out.
The only things I would be letting go are hurt, pain, regrets that keep me from leaving the past and life is far too short for that.
Of course, there is a hope we’ll all meet again.

Life is short,time is fast, no replay, no rewind, So make the best of every moment.

As always,
Imisiayo.

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